wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
