dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
