like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
birth control should be required to get into college
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize