My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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