I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
