We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
