i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
