i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize