my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
