If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
