just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
