I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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