I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize