Duck Duck Cougar?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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