Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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