just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
