Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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