When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize