im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize