you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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