So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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