dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
