I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
