literally had 100 drinks last night.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
