he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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