well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
