Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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