I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
