I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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