I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
