Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
