I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
