Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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