youre lurking in front of me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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