It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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