I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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