I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
