I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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