Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
