Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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