I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
