4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
