Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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