atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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