i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize