I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
