so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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