how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize