hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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