she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
