It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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