...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
MIDGETS
????
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
