chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
