Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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