Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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