Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
