Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
there's paper in my vomit.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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