My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize