I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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