I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
