Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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