my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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