I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
