the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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