Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
